


War

by AemiliaFawn



Series: Malec Drabbles & Oneshots [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack????????, Fluff, M/M, drunk!magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 23:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18292358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AemiliaFawn/pseuds/AemiliaFawn
Summary: The moment Alec and Magnus receive a last-minute party invitation from Lorenzo Rey of all people, Alec knows he can kiss his plans to spend the evening cuddling on the couch with his boyfriend goodbye. He just doesn't expect things to escalate this quickly.





	War

**Author's Note:**

> Set somewhere after 3x02.

**War**

How Magnus Bane wound up getting a piggyback ride home from his very disgruntled boyfriend was a bit of an embarrassing story which said boyfriend didn't doubt would end up biting the both of them in the ass,  _ hard _ .

It all started with a party invitation sent through fire message by none other than Lorenzo Rey. It had arrived when Alec and Magnus had finally settled down on the couch after a long tiresome day, with Alec's aching body comfortably tucked into Magnus' side and his head resting on the warlock's shoulder. Magnus' fingers had been absentmindedly running through the Shadowhunter's hair as if he had just leisurely wanted to enjoy the feeling of the silky strands slipping in between them, and the sensation had been so soothing that occasionally, pleasant hums of encouragement had tumbled from Alec's mouth. On the television Magnus had summoned just for the occasion one of those black and white movies Magnus loved and Alec didn't really  _get_  had been playing,and Alec had already been dozing off when suddenly Magnus had snatched the fire message out of the air as soon as it had whizzed by close enough for him to have been able to do so.

The disbelief and indignation rolling off Magnus in dark waves after that had been practically tangible, and enough to force Alec out of his relaxed boneless state.

“What? What is it?” he'd pressed with mild concern, to which Magnus had huffed, “We just received a last minute party invitation from Lorenzo Rey. Apparently he wants a do-over since the last one didn't go as planned.”

_ Didn't go as planned was a bit of an understatement, _  Alec had thought to himself in that moment, especially since Magnus had been the one who had stepped up and saved everyone, and not Lorenzo. Alec hadn't said that out loud though because there'd been no point in stating the obvious - instead he'd blinked a bit owlishly.

“Why would he invite  _us?”_

This had earned him a deep, irritated sigh from Magnus, who still had been glaring at the handwriting on the fire message, as if he'd thought in that moment that it was as obnoxious as the person it belonged to.

“Because he knows we would look bad either way. If we don't go and nothing happens, we will look suspicious and the other warlocks will be more keen to believe we had something to do with what happened last time. But if we do go and nothing happens, we will look like unwanted party crashers since everyone knows Lorenzo and I despise each other.”

Politics. Though Alec had learned a long time ago how to play his cards right, it didn't mean he would start having to enjoy doing so any time soon.

“When is it?”

“In an hour.”

Of course, Alec at that point had been aware that Magnus had already decided they would go. Would Alec ever come to understand these petty kinds of situations? He still wasn't sure what he'd been more annoyed with at the time – the fact that Lorenzo got under Magnus' skin so easily, or the fact that Alec had to leave the comfort of their home and get  _ dressed  _ in something which weren't his favorite pair of comfortable sweats, and face a shitty evening hosted by an even shittier person.

But he hadn't complained, not when he knew there was no point to it. Alec had just kissed the hand which had been resting on his shoulder and forced himself to smile as he had gotten up, though all he'd wanted to do then (and all he wanted to do  _ now)  _ was just  _ sigh _ .

“I'll get dressed.”

Exactly one hour after this, they had arrived by portal at Lorenzo's place, which had been crawling with even more warlocks than Alec had ever seen gathered in one place before. It had become apparent that Lorenzo had not just invited warlocks from New York – Alec had been able to spot a lot of new faces, who'd all looked at him with mild distrust and thinly veiled disdain. He'd held Magnus' hand as they wove through the crowd, ignoring the whispers and filthy looks the foreign warlocks threw them, not really caring as long as Magnus was happy. Alec had been aware of the fact that he most likely looked like the most boring person in the room in his dark jeans and black button-up, but he simply didn't have Magnus' extravagant taste for designer clothes nor did he think he would look particularly good doused in glitter.

He would simply end up looking like a very angry failed craft-project.

Magnus on the other hand – he'd dressed himself spectacularly, of course, but Alec had been well aware that those diamonds glimmering around his neck, fingers and wrists were nothing but a display of wealth, a big sparkling  _ fuck you  _ sign Alec could both appreciate and roll his eyes at. Trust his boyfriend to be petty enough to whip out his million dollar diamonds to a semi-casual affair just to show off just how good he looked in them.

God, did Alec love him.

After having exchanged the necessary  _ pleasantries  _ (or, perhaps more accurately - snide comments veiled as polite remarks) with Lorenzo Magnus had been, of course, fuming, and Alec had awkwardly started rubbing Magnus' back to try to ease some tension from between his shoulders.

And then Magnus had caught sight of the expensive wine Lorenzo was serving and their night had gone even further downhill.  
  
Magnus had started drinking bottle after invaluable bottle, just because he was pissed off and just to spite the other warlock. Alec still doubted to this moment that Magnus had even really  _tasted_  anything he had drunk tonight however Alec had quickly given up on trying to get him to stop after Magnus had started glaring at him in a very ominous, _I'm-not-touching-you-for-a-week-if-you-don't-shut-up_ kind of way.

Alec knew when to pick his battles, okay?

Fast forward ten minutes later to when Alec had gone back inside after his walk through the extensive grounds surrounding the mansion in an attempt to calm himself down too, disaster had seemed to have struck in his absence. The first thing Alec had seen had been one of Magnus' spells hitting Lorenzo - which had rendered the new High Warlock of New York  _bald_  and Lorenzo had cried out in absolute  _horror_  as though he'd lost a limb rather than an outdated ponytail. Then Alec had noticed that Lorenzo's curtains were on  _fire -_ beneath Alec's very feet crushed hors d'oevres laid scattered across the previously neatly polished floor. There had been something which appeared to be  _caviar_ clinging to the ceiling and wine stains had begun seeping into the fabric of Lorenzo's couches. None of the surrounding warlocks in the room had had the balls to break the two of them up when Lorenzo and Magnus had started cursing at each other in rather vicious sounding foreign languages while throwing hot balls of fire at one another, wrecking Lorenzo's furniture beyond repair. They both seemed to have had the vocabulary and temperament of two drunk truckdrivers in that moment and Alec had finally intervened when his boyfriend had stumbled into a Ming vase, which had shattered upon impact and brought enough shock upon the room for Alec to see a chance to grab Magnus and just  _run._

Right now, Alec wasn't even sure how he ever managed to convince himself he'd be able to just have one stress-free night.  
  
Though Alec had been fairly angry with Magnus the first few blocks he'd dragged him through as they fled from Lorenzo's wrath (one does not simply dismiss the new High Warlock's  _hair_  without getting themselves in trouble and whereas Magnus did deserve a slap on the wrist, Alec couldn't promise he wouldn't run an arrow through anyone who would dare to touch his boyfriend), all that was left now was the lingering sense of annoyance which was usually only reserved for Jace whenever Alec had to pull his parabatai out of a sticky situation. It somewhat helped that Alec was used to having to be the wiser older brother - it had taught him a great lesson in patience and forgiveness, which he now freely gave to Magnus without second thought.

And that was how Magnus ended up hanging off Alec's back like a drunk sack of potatoes. Alec hadn't seen any other option but to pick his boyfriend up and just  _ carry  _ him home after Magnus had kept stumbling over his own two feet. They would have portaled home, but Alec didn't trust Magnus' ability to focus enough when Magnus had continuously walked into oncoming traffic and threatened to turn whichever car had dared to honk at him into a pink elephant.

They were currently almost home, and Magnus was in a somewhat better mood. He stopped sharing his plans of turning Lorenzo's goatee into a soulpatch (“T _hose were popular in the 90's, he'd rather_ die _than be caught having one, Alexander”_ ) and instead started being his usual sweet, flirty self, though of course the alcohol still in his system made his puns worse than usual and his hands a little more touchy than they normally were in public places. He seemed content, being carried around their beloved city like Alec was his personal carriage, and Alec really should just put him down, hail a cab and ditch him by his doorstep.  
  
But he still loved this man and he couldn't stay mad at him if he tried. If personally carrying Magnus home because he couldn't walk straight and definitely couldn't  _think_  straight was the only way Alec could think of to ensure he'd arrive safely, so be it.  
  
He'd give Magnus a loud earful about it tomorrow morning over breakfast, when Magnus was already having a terrible hangover, just to spite him.

“-can't believe he even had the nerve to invite us in the first place, it's his  _own fault_ -” Magnus started grumbling under his breath again after they passed someone who looked similar to Lorenzo, and Alec rolled his eyes so hard he swore he could see the inside of his own skull, which was throbbing with a pounding headache.  
  
"What got you so worked up anyway?" Alec asked. "You normally never lose your temper like that."  
  
Magnus murmured something inaudible in Alec's hair.  
  
"Magnus," Alec pressed, incapable of keeping his voice kind. Magnus sighed.  
  
"Your hair smells nice," he said. "Feels nice. So soft. You're always so soft, Alexander, so kind to me."  
  
Alec fought the need to roll his eyes  _again_. A drunk Magnus was always an emotional Magnus. He shifted his grip on the warlock a little bit and felt Magnus tighten his arms around his neck, cheek pressed on the top of Alec's head. He passed a few Mundanes who of course didn't see Magnus and Alec at all and he stared up at the starry night sky. He'd still have about 10 minutes left before he'd be at Magnus' building. This would have been a lot more tedious had he not had access to his runes.   
  
"He was talking about you to some other warlocks while you were outside catching some air," Magnus then started, making Alec wonder what he was referring to until he remembered the question he'd asked a while ago. "Miserable, snake-faced piece of  _trash_  with his dumb fu-"  
  
"Okay. So what if people talk about me?" Alec interrupted, worried Magnus might accidentally singe his eyebrows off when he saw blue sparks rising from Magnus' fingers. "We already know there's plenty of people who don't approve of us being together. That doesn't change how I feel about you, you know that."  
  
Alec kissed the hand closest in his reach and kept walking. Magnus huffed, a hot puff of breath ruffling Alec's hair while Magnus' thighs tightened briefly around him.  
  
"He wasn't talking about  _that_ ," Magnus grumbled, sounding offended for some reason. "He was talking trash about your clothes, and your hair, and  _by the Angel_  Alexander I just want to  _strangle_  that man -"  
  
Alec stopped walking. Although he couldn't see Magnus he knew he was fuming all over again, and he couldn't help the chuckle bubbling up in his throat.  
  
Of course.   
  
Of course, Magnus Bane, ancient warlock who has seen almost every great battle in both Mundane and Shadow World history, would start a  _war_  over something as insignificant as Alec's hair.

Why did Alec expect anything else?  
  
"What the hell is so funny?" Magnus snapped. "You think I wouldn't fight him? You think I would just  _let_ him talk about you like you're some sort of dirty stray dog I just picked up from the streets, like you're not worth more than every warlock in that room combined? You are the  _Head_ of the New York Institute, you deserve a lot more respect than that!"  
  
"Just to be clear – you nearly got us  _killed_ by Lorenzo and his friends because he made fun of  _the way I look_?"  
  
Magnus struggled until Alec set him down on his feet, and then the warlock jabbed an annoyed finger into Alec's chest. It was sparkling, and Alec bit his lip so he would stop laughing already, because Magnus was still very disgruntled and drunk and he wasn't helping him like this and Alec should  _still be angry,_ goddamn it.  
  
"I'll have you know that even implying that my  _boyfriend_  looks nothing short of absolutely  _flawless_ , means he thinks I have poor taste. And I do," jab, "not," jab, "have," jab, "poor," jab, " _taste_! He's just jealous that I have a hot young boyfriend with a Stamina rune and all he has is an extremely boring, greasy right hand and a personality that's about as ugly as his stupid face!"  
  
Magnus continued staring up angrily at Alec and Alec wasn't sure whether he should smile at how adorable his boyfriend was being or reprimand him for his behavior, especially considering the kind of trouble they were now probably both in.  
  
In the end Alec just kissed Magnus' forehead and sighed deeply, resigned to the fact that there was just no way he could ever stay mad at his boyfriend, nor grow resentful when he knew Magnus always thought and acted with his heart, instead of his brain, when it came to matters that affected Alec. He wasn't about to thank Magnus for defending him because Alec could manage himself  _just fine_ and this all hadn't been necessary. He had grown thick skin and had stopped caring about what people had to say about him a long time ago, because he had learned along the way that all that truly mattered was being loved by the ones important to him. And they did – the proof of it was in Magnus' fiery brown eyes, the burn marks on Magnus' designer clothes.

But.

It wasn't like Alec could say that seeing Lorenzo  _cry_  had made him feel particularly bad, either.

Alec's brushed his knuckles over Magnus' flushed cheek and Magnus stared at him – his expression was still fierce, though Alec could see he was having a positive effect on him. He smiled softly.

“You don't have poor taste,” Alec gently said. “You looked beautiful tonight, and you will always look beautiful every single day after tonight, just as you looked beautiful every single day before tonight. And if you see something in me that's worth loving, then that part of me is beautiful too no matter what anyone has to say about it.”

Alec picked a little shard from the Ming vase off Magnus' jacket and patted a little dust off him.

“Now, if you don't mind – I'd like to take you home so you can take a shower to wash all this off you, and then we can enjoy one last night together before they fire me as the Head of the Institute and send you off into the Spiral Labyrinth.”

He was glad Magnus had finally calmed down enough to be able to enjoy the joke – relief washed over him when Magnus put his hand on top of Alec's and turned more into his palm, pressing a gentle kiss there.

“At least we won't be invited to any of his boring parties anymore,” Magnus sighed, finally starting to see the humor in the situation the way Alec did now that anger had faded and common sense had settled in. “If I have to see one more peacock ice sculpture I might turn into a pumpkin.”

“Well. I'm glad I won't have to worry about that anymore, then,” Alec chuckled, before he leaned down to press a kiss against Magnus' lips.

It turned out they didn't have to worry so much after all – in the days that followed, Lorenzo's attempts at avenging the death of his ponytail gradually turned into pleas for Magnus to just  _ please  _ fix his hair. The pleas came with an accompanying promise that all would be swept under the rug if Magnus did as asked. It turned out Lorenzo preferred holding a silent grudge with a full head of hair over punishing Magnus without ever growing silky locks ever again.

Who would've thought.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's official, guys – Lorenzo is this fandom's Umbridge. Just slap a pink bow on that snake-faced bag of steaming hickery dickery and you'll hardly spot the difference.


End file.
